Suppressed Emotions
by RedFoxDemon
Summary: [Related to Trials of a Ninja] Sakura's thoughts about her decisions...'What began in a path towards being a stronger person failed, and only brought me to my downfall. And for that…there will always be a part of me who will loathe them...'


Authors note at the end...

Well here is a little one shot; it has to do with my other story Trials of a Ninja! So read, enjoy and review!

**! DISCLAIMER: I don't own ANYTHING

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-**S**uppressed **E**motions-

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_Acknowledgement _

How I hated the word, yet, that is all I ever asked for. I may have never verbalized it, but it was clearly shown in the way I acted.

It got to the point where my life revolved around it, just to be seen as an equal. Is that so hard to ask of the people who you care about, I thought it wasn't…although I guess I thought wrong.

Everyone else is viewed as equals, strong ninja who protect their village. What am I viewed as? A fragile doll perhaps…do I not also want to protect my village?

I examine my team next.

And I find myself smiling in fondness, yet I can't help but berate myself. I always try to not fall for their so-called concern.

Yet, in the depth of my soul I believe they truly want the best for me. I find myself questioning how they know what is best for me. Have they taken the time to truly get to know me?

They probably know just the same as everybody else…_nothing_.

Anger begins to overwhelm me. I want to yell, scream and shout my hatred, but I continuously hold back…_why?_

I begin to blame them for the destruction of my dream. I set out to become a ninja so that I can protect. Protect those who I care about.

However as the years passed, that objective changed. It got redirected to simply proving my self worth.

Hours…Days…Months pass and these torturous thoughts continue to haunt me. My thoughts are plagued with this new ambition. The ambition that I will never achieve…_or will I?_

I look at the ceiling from my place on the bed and can't help but clutch the sheets in frustration.

This unconscious habit of theirs is ruining me, tearing me apart.

_Why do I care?_

_Why can't I see how much I developed?_

_I am the first female who has succeeded, isn't that a worthy achievement?_

_I know I have improved…so why do I need their approval?_

I myself do not know the answer too many of the questions, which I continue to ask...

I realize that I seek approval because these are _the_ people that I care about…these are the people who I wanted to _protect_…

Nonetheless, how can I find myself worthy enough to protect them…_ they don't even find me eligible…_

It pains me greatly; that my objective has turned against me…_is this a test?_

While they raise their heads in honor, mine begins to lower in despair.

Shame also begins to settle in, along with the other negative feelings that have been incessantly thrust upon me.

The shame, later on is more dominant…because I let this get to me…I let this weigh me down…_I let this get in the way of what I really wanted_.

When they leave I can't help but feel…_relieved_

There is no one to hold me down, but aren't these the people who I wanted to _prove_ myself to?

I shake off the feeling and find myself training harder.

I begin to push myself, more and more as the days pass

Years pass, and many others notice. I can't help but beam with pride and joy. However, something always holds me back…but once again I throw away the feeling.

I try to push the memory of my team out of my head…

What began in a path towards being a stronger person failed, and only brought me to my downfall. And for that…there will always be a part of me who will loathe them...the part that blames them for the many years of my misguided goal.

Although, as soon as they come back, I know that old feelings of admiration, competitiveness and self-hate will return, ruining the progress I have made.

I laugh at the cruelty of the situation, but dismiss it for now, just as I have always done…

As the years continue to go by I finally let it go. All the feelings in the past have been left in the past.

My head now rises in honor, and is no longer lowering in despair. The self torture has become self admiration and my initial objective has been restored.

Yet my heart still calls for my team…

_Where have they been?_

_Are they alive?_

_Do the remember me?_

I scold myself for thinking such thoughts…

_Why now…_was my final thought before letting sleep overcome these predominant thoughts…

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End…

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Hello! Hope you enjoyed this one shot. It is actually a preview of what is to come, on _Trials of a Ninja._ Also the second chapter of Trials of a Ninja will be out shortly I have just been adding some things to it. Sorry for any spelling mistakes but I'm not perfect.

Please Review, and give some constructive criticism (which is greatly appreciated) Thank you!

RedFoxDemon


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